My Children My Responsability

I am who I am today because of my education. I went to a Catholic school but my family was in no way religious. I was taught to pray and believe in a higher power yet at home my parents told me otherwise. I grew up living both sides. As I got older I began to see more clearly the dangers of religion my dad had been warning me about. Religion is run by men, if there is a God his message has been interpreted and dishorted by men. He was very clear in making me aware of how doctrine had always been anti female. He told me there was nothing wrong with faith, and it is to be respected but be aware of the power hungry man.

I am grateful for his honesty. I grew up grounded and capable of respectful debate. Now my children are to grow up in a home with an athiest mother and a muslim father. I will teach my children the exact same message. Respect other people's choices but know when to act when their choices prevent you from making yours.

My daughter will grow up to know her worth and to refuse anyone or anything that considers her inferieur. She will learn the customs and traditions of her father's beliefs but she will be free to make her own choice, without worrying about disappointing either of us.

When I first met my partner he was a very different person. He was never a radical muslim but he did have some strong beliefs about a woman's place being at home with the children and the man bringing home the chicken (can't really say bacon in his case can I?!). But he met his match with me! I have a brain and a mouth and I used both of them. Over the years our debates became less heated and I came to see the goodside of his traditions and he began to see that a strong minded woman is nothing to be afraid of, quite the opposite.

Since our daughter was born his views have changed again. He wants her to be independant. To never need a man (apart from him of course!). He knows that if he walked out today I would be more than capable to stand on my own two feet, and he sees the merit in my education.

We have a second child on the way, and although not yet confirmed, we both have a strong feeling it's a boy. This is where it's going to get interesting! I certainly won't be bringing him up to think he's the most special boy in the world. I have all too often been around parents who have sons & daughters and seen the daughters expected to do chores and the sons not to. Believe me that won't be happening here! As Tiana wil learn basic plumbing & DIY, my son will learn the difference between a washing machine and a tumble dryer (I'm speaking from experience here, I've lost count of the amount of times my partner has put the washing in the tumble dryer first!).

Educating my children is a job I have no right to fail at. I will not rely on school or friends to teach my children. I will bring them up to question everything, nothing is black & white. If Tiana was a bit older I would have explained truthfully what happened here in France this week. There is a fine line between preserving childhood innocence and throwing ignorant 18 year olds out into a very imperfect world.

They will grow up in a multicultural home where tolerance and freedom of speech & choice is the backbone of our happy family life. They wil grow up with both parents enjoying fulfilling careers and a balanced private life. They will grow up seeing their father hoover and cook and their mother checking the oil in the car and unblocking drains!

They will grow up with freedom but knowing mutual trust is key. We will travel, experience other cultures. They will spend time with their African family and their English family. They will grow up being proud of their diversity.

They will know the history of black oppression by the white man, and see first hand how times have changed, how from generation to generation we can create a fairer place. They will know the fight of women and their responsability in this world to keep up the fight so everybody is equal. They will know we live in a dangerous world but not to be afraid to live. They will be free to have their own opinions but learn to express them respectfully and after much self evaluation.

They will know their time here is limited but their footprints will last an eternity. I will teach them their actions have direct consequences, being an ostrich in this world makes you part of the problem.

Education starts at home. We choose to bring these little creatures into this world, it is our responsibilty as parents to mould them into good people.

Parenting is more then "brush your teeth" "say please and thank you". What your child grows up hearing and seeing will be the foundations for the person they become.

Shower them with hugs and kisses but shower them equally with knowledge and sense of responsibility for all humanity and maybe we will be one step closer to an united world.

Yet another sad day ...

Yesterday was not the first terrorist attack in France and I'm sorry to say it won't be the last. My heart goes out to the families of the victimes and I hope everyone will respect their privacy in their time of grief.

As a partner of a muslim I suppose this affects my life a little bit more than others. Will their be reprisals? Will muslim hatred be fueled as it was in the UK in 2005? I hope I can safely say that I don't think that will happen in France. The French muslim community have spoken against the Islamic State from the beginning, stating loud and clear these people are not muslims and do not stand for Islam. There is nothing worse than tarring everyone with the same brush.

Islam is not terrorism. Islam is love and respect.

The saddest thing about the situation in the world today is that it is the West's fault. Our policticians have been greedy, have sold arms in the millions to these people, have sat back and let the Middle East be repressed only to intervene when their interests were compromised. We have been no better, we voted them in, we let them do it.

There are over 1200 young French muslims currently fighting in Syria because they are a lost generation. Teenagers in the midst of their angst being picked up by brain washers and simply evil people. Governments reactions have been to refuse their return, leaving them once against abandonned. Why aren't we fighting to bring these children home?

We all have a responsibility to help end this. France took a stand last night as 35 000 people descended on the Place de la Republique in Paris. Every creed, every religion stood together against the barbaric regime.

Social media filled with Je Suis Charlie profile pictures to show their support in fighting for free speech.

Support from around the world flooded Facebook and Twitter

I can only hope in a world where everything moves too fast, that this time we won't forget in the blink of an eye. That this is the wake up call we need to stand together, right the wrongs of the past ... saying I'm sorry can go a long way ... and create a safer united world.

I will leave you with this thought ... I can't see any differences ... can you?

A Sad, Sad Day ... Are We at War?

I have just turned on the news and heard that the Frenchman Hervé Gourdel, kidnapped 2 days ago in Algerie by the Islamic State organisation was executed by decapitation yesterday afternoon.

My heart goes out to his family and friends.

I've had a niggling feeling for a while that things were going from bad to worse in the world. Putin's antics have had me very much on edge. In the year of the 100th anniversary of the start of the First World War and the 70th anniversary of the Normandy landings, I have been wondering what it was like at the beginning of the two world wars. A lot of people said that they were sure it wouldn't happen and even when war was declared it would be over in a matter of days. I can't help but have a feeling of déjà vu.

I am, however, very happy that the muslims in the west are speaking out loud and clearly against this organisation. An Imam has just been interviewed condamning the Islamic State stating "They are not muslims, they do not in any way represent the Islamic faith, I can only describe them as devils". Hopefully this time round the muslims living normally and who feel no affliation with the fundamentalists won't be subjected to the same bigotry and persecution as the Blair/Bush Reign of Terror inflicted on them.

Keep open minds people, just because your next door neighbour is called Mohammed does not mean he wants to blow up the local hospital! The Islamic State is run by powerfully rich men who pray on the vulnerable to brain wash them into really believing thay are doing Allah's calling in order to take over the world.

Stay safe everyone.

French African Vs African American

Worth a watch. Host Ryan Hall questions people on the streets of Paris about what it's like to be black in France compared to America. The honesty of the white people towards the end is refreshing.

Beautiful Childhood Innocence

The recent Cheerios commercial featuring a mixed race couple with their mixed race daughter stirred up such a ridiculous racket, but you must watch this video of children reacting to the commercial. Imagine what a better place the world would be if children never lost this beautiful innocence, and that my friends is entirely up to us, the adults.

Burka Musings

Since starting this blog I've been more and more observant about the multi cultural world we live in now. I preached a couple of days ago about how in a world of information ignorance is a choice, and how I still act this way concerning the burka. 

I am always frightened for the women wearing Hadjibs etc in a way that a lot of people are frightened for me being with a black man. 

But yesterday I had a beautiful but sad encounter with a lovely Arabic woman. Her whole body and hair were covered but her face showing.

Her two boys were running her ragged, at the same time she was playing with my daughter and kept smiling at me friendly and apologetically. Then she did something I do when I don't want people around me to know I'm telling Tiana off, I speak in English. Seeing that she was at the end if her tether I was fully prepared for her to starting shouting in Arabic but she starting telling her boys off in Italian. I understand quite a bit of Italian unlike nothing of Arabic! And she was saying to her two boys "you're making mummy look bad, let's go and not bother the lady and the little girl anymore."

My heart went out to her. 

She was covered head to toe, maybe by choice, maybe because of her husband or family, but underneath it all she was really just a young woman embarrassed by her children playing up in public. 

I was guilty of making stereotypical assumptions and tarring everyone with the same brush, the very thing I am trying to help stop with this blog.

I got up from my comfy place in the sun and helped her get her littlest back in his buggy and get the older boy off the climbing frame and back to his mothers side. 

The woman was shocked that I came to help her. But in her eyes I could see it was a good shock. 

Would I have acted the same way if she had spoken in Arabic and I had not understood those all familiar pleadings? Definitely not. 

But now I know that might be what every Arabic woman is saying to her children. I'm sure I will in the future not hesitate to lend a hand, with a smile and a lift of an eyebrow between mummies to say "I know the feeling".